We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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