So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
