this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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