I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
