i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
