I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
