And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want to make out with him forever
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
