You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
