Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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