I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
