White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
