Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
