Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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