her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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