if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
