chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
