some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
