Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
