On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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