I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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