bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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