i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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