We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
