Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
