She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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