so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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