You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
