Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You're like the curious george of whores
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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