I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
