he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
