I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
