I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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