shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
