please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
