if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
