i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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