I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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