Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
