Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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