He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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