discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I want a musical about memes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
