u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
