Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My cat gives me a boner
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
