Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just blew my weed a kiss
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
