My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
