so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
