this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
