Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
farters have to be the big spoon...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
