It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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