My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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