I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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