Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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