he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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