Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
