Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
