I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
