white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
