This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
