I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
